Handling Criticism Without Losing Your Cool
Nobody enjoys being criticized. It triggers our defensive instincts and can ruin our entire day. Yet Les Giblin discovered that how we handle criticism is one of the most important skills we can develop—both for our careers and our relationships.
The Defensive Trap
Our natural response to criticism is to defend ourselves, make excuses, or counter-attack. This is human nature. But Giblin observed that this instinctive response almost always makes things worse.
When you get defensive, you:
- Shut down communication
- Damage the relationship
- Miss valuable feedback
- Appear insecure or immature
The Giblin Method
Instead, Giblin taught a counterintuitive approach that consistently produces better outcomes:
Step 1: Pause
Take a breath before responding. This simple act gives you control over your reaction.
Step 2: Listen Fully
Resist the urge to interrupt or formulate your defense. Let the person finish completely.
Step 3: Acknowledge
Say something like, "I appreciate you bringing this to my attention" or "Thank you for the feedback."
Step 4: Clarify
Ask questions to make sure you understand: "Can you give me a specific example?" or "What would you like to see instead?"
Step 5: Consider
Tell them you'll think about what they've said. And actually do it.
The Power of Agreement
Here's Giblin's most powerful technique: Find something in the criticism you can agree with, even if it's small.
"You're right, I could have communicated that more clearly."
"I see your point about the timing."
"That's a fair observation."
This disarms the critic and opens the door to productive dialogue. It doesn't mean you agree with everything—just that you're open to their perspective.
Distinguishing Types of Criticism
Not all criticism is equal. Giblin taught his students to distinguish between:
Constructive Criticism
Intended to help you improve. Usually specific and actionable. Treat this as a gift.
Destructive Criticism
Intended to hurt or diminish you. Often vague and personal. Don't take this personally.
Projection
The critic is actually describing their own issues. Recognize it and don't absorb it.
The 24-Hour Rule
When criticism hits hard, Giblin recommended waiting 24 hours before responding (when possible). This cooling-off period allows emotions to settle and wisdom to emerge.
Often, you'll find that criticism that felt devastating in the moment contains valuable truth once you've had time to process it.
Turning Critics Into Allies
Here's something remarkable Giblin discovered: When you handle criticism well, you often convert critics into supporters.
Why? Because most people expect defensiveness. When you respond with grace and openness instead, you demonstrate character that earns respect.
When to Push Back
Sometimes criticism is unfair or factually wrong. In these cases, Giblin advised:
- Still start with acknowledgment
- Present your perspective calmly
- Focus on facts, not feelings
- Seek to understand the disconnect
"I understand why you might see it that way. Here's the information I was working with..."
The Growth Mindset
Ultimately, your response to criticism reveals your mindset. Do you see it as an attack on your worth, or as information that can help you improve?
Giblin believed that people who welcome criticism—even when it's uncomfortable—grow faster and achieve more than those who avoid it.
Practice Makes Progress
Start small. The next time someone offers even mild criticism, try the Giblin method:
- Pause
- Listen
- Acknowledge
- Clarify
- Consider
Notice how it changes the interaction. Notice how it changes you.
The goal isn't to enjoy criticism. The goal is to handle it in a way that serves your growth and preserves your relationships.
That's a skill worth developing.