Reading Body Language: What People Are Really Telling You

Les Giblin often reminded his students: "People communicate more with their bodies than with their words." Research now confirms he was right—studies suggest that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal.

Yet most of us go through life blind to these signals, missing crucial information that's hiding in plain sight.

The Honest Channel

Why is body language so revealing? Because it's largely unconscious. While people carefully choose their words, their bodies often betray their true feelings.

Someone might say "I'm fine" while their crossed arms, tight jaw, and averted gaze tell a completely different story.

The Big Five Signals

Giblin identified five body language categories that matter most:

1. Facial Expressions

The face is the most expressive part of the body. Key areas to watch:
- Eyes: Are they making contact or avoiding it? Dilated or constricted?
- Mouth: Genuine smiles reach the eyes; fake ones don't
- Eyebrows: Raised shows surprise or disbelief; furrowed indicates confusion or concern

2. Posture and Orientation

• Leaning in = interest and engagement
• Leaning back = skepticism or desire for distance
• Facing you directly = openness
• Angled away = discomfort or desire to leave

3. Gestures

• Open palms = honesty and openness
• Closed fists = tension or anger
• Touching face/neck = anxiety or discomfort
• Steepling fingers = confidence

4. Arms and Hands

• Crossed arms = defensiveness (or just being cold!)
• Hands in pockets = hiding something or lack of confidence
• Fidgeting = nervousness or boredom
• Mirroring your movements = rapport and agreement

5. Personal Space

• Moving closer = comfort and trust
• Creating distance = discomfort or disagreement
• Respecting boundaries = social awareness

Context Is Everything

Here's the critical caveat Giblin always emphasized: Never interpret a single gesture in isolation.

Crossed arms might mean defensiveness—or the person might just be cold. Someone avoiding eye contact might be lying—or they might be from a culture where direct eye contact is considered rude.

Look for clusters of signals that tell a consistent story.

The Baseline Principle

To accurately read someone's body language, you need to know their baseline—how they normally behave.

Some people naturally gesture a lot; others are more reserved. Some make intense eye contact; others don't.

Observe how someone acts when they're comfortable, then watch for deviations from that baseline. Those changes are what matter.

Reading Discomfort

Giblin taught that recognizing discomfort is one of the most valuable body language skills. Signs include:

• Touching the neck or face
• Shifting weight frequently
• Creating physical barriers (crossing arms, holding objects)
• Reduced eye contact
• Forced or absent smiles
• Shortened responses

When you notice these signals, you have choices: Change the subject, give the person space, or directly address the discomfort.

Reading Interest

Conversely, genuine interest shows up as:

• Sustained eye contact
• Leaning forward
• Open posture
• Nodding and responsive facial expressions
• Mirroring your body language
• Asking questions

The Power of Congruence

Pay special attention when someone's words and body language don't match. This incongruence is a red flag.

"I'm really excited about this project" said with slumped shoulders and a flat voice? They're not excited.

"I'm not angry" said through clenched teeth with a red face? They're angry.

Trust the body, not the words.

Your Own Body Language

Remember: Others are reading you too (consciously or not).

Giblin emphasized that you can't fake good body language long-term, but you can develop better habits:

• Maintain appropriate eye contact (not staring, not avoiding)
• Keep an open posture
• Lean slightly forward when listening
• Nod to show understanding
• Smile genuinely
• Mirror others subtly to build rapport

Cultural Considerations

Body language isn't universal. Gestures that are positive in one culture can be offensive in another. Eye contact norms vary widely. Personal space preferences differ dramatically.

When interacting across cultures, be humble about your interpretations and willing to learn.

Practice Exercise

This week, watch people's body language in three settings:
1. A conversation you're part of
2. A meeting or group discussion
3. People in public (respectfully, not creepily)

Notice what you see. Test your interpretations. Refine your radar.

The Ultimate Goal

The goal isn't to become a human lie detector or to manipulate others. The goal is to become more attuned to the full spectrum of human communication.

When you can read body language well, you:
- Understand people more deeply
- Respond more appropriately
- Build stronger connections
- Navigate conflicts more skillfully
- Lead more effectively

As Giblin said: "The person who can read between the lines of human behavior has a tremendous advantage in every area of life."

Start reading. The signals are all around you.